My Beloved Daddy

[SetsunaKou]

Our beloved Daddy passed away at 10:45 PM on October 21.
We are devastated--more than devastated.

He was everything to us and I don't know how we can go on.

But we are grateful to God that he is finally not suffering. He
suffered for over a year and now he is with his mom and dad and sister
and brother and Jesus in Heaven.

I feel like my heart is gone. I loved him so
much! He was everything to us---father, best friend, teacher,
protector. He was our inspiration to keep striving to our best in
anything we undertook.

He taught us to sew and got me to keep drawing and painting, and
started us on our career path. He encouraged us and encouraged and
said we were geniuses (which isn't true, but he thought so) and just
gave his all for us.

We loved to be all together like one unit.
It was what we wanted and what we chose to do and I'm so glad and
happy we did and that he let us and somehow made it all work that we
could all stay and work together like a team. We were a team in our
work and we're still a team.

Daddy will still be in everything we do. I keep talking to him
whatever I'm doing and asking him if it's good or whatever, like I
used to do. I have to keep working and it'll be so difficult to finish
each project and not show it to him. He loved when we showed him the
finished work. He looked and looked and said it's gorgeous, amazing, that we
brought the character to life, etc, etc. And just beam from ear to
ear.

I won't hear him say it anymore---he'd exclaim 'Gorgeous!' when we
showed him a finished costume or plush or doll. Or if the doll was a villain, he'd say
'Oooh, he looks like a bad guy!' Daddy always knew what to say because
he really cared. He didn't just 'gloss over' it with 'oh yeah, that's
nice'. He'd really get into it! He'd ask 'where's that going?' and if
it was overseas, he'd be like 'you're all over the world!' So proud
that our dream of working from home and making things we liked as our work had
come to fruition. It was his vision that let us do this---and we're so
grateful, so grateful to him for giving us this wonderful life.
Everything we have is due to his efforts---our home, our
work, nurturing our talents.

I am just so sad right now that our team is not complete anymore. He'd
love to do his part of driving to the post office or helping Mom pack
stuff, or buying supplies, giving his input. Now, we have to do it all
but we know that Daddy is watching over us and happy--and wanting us
to keep going and succeeding. He told us to never give up----there's
always a way.
One of his favorite things to say was 'if man made it, man can fix it'
so he and my sister and sometimes me, would fix things that should just be
replaced but he took a pride in fixing it. And it was special and
wonderful that he could.

I miss him so much! He was my heart! I wanted to do my best
in my work so he'd be proud. Not that he ever wasn't---he'd be proud
if it looked awful! :laughs: But I strove hard to show Daddy how much
his work ethic inspired me. It wasn't that I needed his approval---I
always had it---but I, it's hard to express, wanted to see his eyes
light up and his beautiful smile and laugh when he saw something that
amazed him. Which to him, was most everything we did.

I won't see or hear that anymore and my heart is so empty right now. I
know time will heal wounds, but I don't want to forget anything or his
voice or his smile or anything! The last nights I kept trying to replay so
many moments with Daddy, trying to hear it, remember it exactly so I
won't forget it easily over time. I want them all to be fresh and new
like it was yesterday or today. I'm afraid because I remember Grandma
and Grandpa and my aunt and uncle who have passed already, and can hear their voices
and see their faces and expressions but....a little dimly....a little
lost in time.

I don't want to do that with Daddy----I want to feel and see and hear
him like he's always here. And I'm scared I won't as the years go by.

My Daddy....Our Daddy......

He was so so good to us and loved us beyond measure. He stayed here, kept trying to get
better for so long, just because we kept asking him to stay with us. He was
in such pain and suffering and he kept trying for Mama and us, but he
was truly ready to go Home.

My sister said it right yesterday morning---she said that Dad thought he'd
become a burden to us, but WE were Dad's burden. He endured so much
pain and suffering and operations because of us. He didn't want to do
any of it but said he would and try for us. He hung on so long because
we begged him and pleaded with him not to leave us--when he was beyond
ready to go. He knew he was ready to go back in April/May. But we
weren't ready and so he tried to stay so long for us. He was even
going to keep trying---on the evening of the night he passed, he kept apologizing
that he had to sleep ("I'm sorry, Girls, I have to sleep")
but then kept trying to wake up to see us and hold our hands.
He'd asked our Mom (who was with him all the time at the rehab)
when we'd be coming back. He told her he wanted to hear my sister
sing to him hymns again. When we got there, he even
asked us to bring him his backscratcher in the morning. He was a fighter
and he was still fighting for us, even then.
But that night, Jesus had mercy on him and took him Home with him.
He called Daddy and said 'Welcome home, my son'.

I know Daddy is free now and happy and celebrating with the Lord and
all our family gone before. He's probably even met Pavarotti, and
Winston Churchill and all the people he admired.
Maybe they are chatting or singing! Daddy was a carpenter, so I truly
believe that he is right now helping to build that mansion in Heaven for us.
He loved to build!

But I selfishly miss him. And our Mom is just devastated. Of course, they
were together for 51 yrs and almost 24 hrs a day for 30 years!

Last night, as we were watching tv, trying to just be 'normal' I
noticed that one of the stones in the fireplace looked different than
the rest and that I'd never seen it before.
And there is a 'Z' written in script on it with a tiny 'E' next to
it-----in Dad's handwriting.
Daddy always called mom 'Z' lovingly (It was like her 'pet name' from
him) and would sign his cards to her 'love, E'

I think Daddy wrote that on the stone from Heaven yesterday to tell
Mama how much he loved her and is still thinking of her!

And I know on the night it happened, when I was laying down, not sleeping (how could I?) at 4 AM in the morning, a phrase came to me 'Teach me to live'.
I was bewildered why I heard/thought it and then after a few minutes, somehow came to recognize it is a piece of a song. But I still couldn't know who or which or anything. I just
didn't know but I KNEW it was important, so I kept saying it over and over, until, about an hour
later, it came to me! 'Try to forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try!'
It is a verse from 'Wishing You Were Here Again' from Phantom of the Opera. Then it hit me hard.
What is significant is that years ago, probably 8-10 yrs ago, when we watched it, and heard
this song, Daddy said he would do more to be healthier so he could have as much time
with us as possible and that, when he goes and is laid to rest, he wants us to sing this
song for him because it really was how we were to each other.
I had completely forgotten that we said we would, but that wouldn't happen because he'd
always be with us. I can still see that moment as clear as if it was yesterday!
But up till right then, I'd forgotten all about the promise to sing it and about the song entirely, until Daddy gently reminded me from Heaven. I don't know how we're going to get through it but it doesn't matter---it's what he wants.

Anyway, we're doing the best we can but today is hard again. I expect it'll
be a long time before we don't cry. Maybe never. I hope I will always
feel the deep heart emotion no matter how long a time passes.
I am so proud that Daddy was our father and that he loved us so.

Sorry this was so long but I wanted to tell you all why I've been MIA for the past several months and wanted to express all that is in my heart for my beautiful, precious Daddy.

God bless you, Daddy! Thank you for the wonderful life you gave to us. We love you forever and are counting the days until we meet again....

[Kirahfaye]

Having lost my mom earlier this year I do understand how you feel. You and your family are in my prayers.

[maywong]

I am so sorry to hear about your dad passing away. Big hugs to you and your family.

[kenaiqueen]

My deepest condolences. You were very blessed to have had such a wonderful man in your life. May your faith and family bring you solace. *hugs!*

[Tam I am]

*hug* My best friend passed on the first week of August, and I'm still falling into holes where he used to be. I wish I could give you a real hug.

[victoriavictrix]

*Hug*

[Trethowan]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a hug and bring you a meal.

[richila]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

[sweetest185]

I am so sorry for your loss... take peace in knowing that he is in a better place and surrounded with love.